Rinse
by She's a Star
Summary: 'She must rinse this all away. She can't hold him this way. She must rinse this all away. She can't love him this way.'


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Rinse

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by She's a Star

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Disclaimer: Moulin Rouge belongs to Bazziekins. The song 'Rinse' is Vanessa Carlton's.

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Author's Note: This takes place after Satine passes out post-Gorecki. 

~*~

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She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye

She would suffer

She would fight and compromise

Christian.

He was the first thought that made its way into her mind the second she emerged from the darkness that had consumed her. She was supposed to be with him right now...

Supposed to be near him.

It was cold now.

When she was with him, it was always so warm.

So perfect.

_"You'll come? Tonight?"_

"Yes."

"What time?"

"Eight o'clock."

"Promise?"

"Yes! Go!"

She attempted to open her lips, to murmur his name, but couldn't muster up the strength. Instead she listened to the hazy voices of the figures surrounding hers. Her blurred mind couldn't fathom who spoke; she could only tell that an air of sadness surrounded them.

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She's been wishing on stars that shine so bright

For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight

All she could ask herself was _why._ Why had she allowed herself to fall in love with him? Why had she caused him to build his whole world up around her? Why couldn't it have been a nice girl that he had fallen in love with, rather than a whore with a million diamonds attempting to make up for her soul?

_I have to let him go,_ she thought faintly. _I have to let him go..._

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She must rinse this all away

She can't hold him this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way

She had to save him.

Satine had always known that, from the moment that his beautiful voice had filled her ears and allowed them to dance across the sky. 

She would save him. Whatever it took, however painful it was to her, she would save his soul. She couldn't allow him to be chained to this underworld, this hell where Satine was forced to dwell eternally. 

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How she'd be soothed

How she'd be saved 

If he could see

She needs to be held in his arms

To be free.

Truth. Beauty. Freedom. Love.

Satine had never been truthful; the truth was dangerous, something that couldn't be taken lightly. Beauty was the one area of the Bohemian Revolution in which she thrived. She knew she was beautiful, or at least gave off the impression of being so. But with a bit of makeup and risqué costumes, couldn't anyone be beautiful? Beauty wasn't rare, nor was it important.

Oh, but freedom. Satine had yearned, prayed, wished for freedom for as long as she could remember. It was something she would never have, a bittersweet sort of dream that never truly left her. 

To be free...

And to love.

Satine did love now, and she loved Christian with more passion than she could have thought possible.

And yet she wasn't free, when she was apart from him.

The Moulin Rouge had chained her down, and she knew that she would never fly.

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But everything happens for reasons that she will never understand

'Till she knows that the heart of a woman

Will never be found in the arms of a man

Satine had never even attempted to understand life. The world was a cruel, cold place full of pain and suffering. The idea of love had been so foreign to her until she'd met Christian, and the fact that she would have to pay the price of love had escaped her mind until now.

Her life was slowly draining from her: she could feel it in her burning chest, could taste it in the coppery blood that stained her lips.

Her time was short, and soon she would have to leave Christian alone.

She only hoped he could live without her.

She only hoped he didn't need her the way she needed him.

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She must rinse this all away

She can't hold anybody this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him.

Oh, how she yearned to be with him right now. She knew that she didn't deserve him, that she was being horribly selfish, and yet she needed him. 

Years and years ago, she'd heard somewhere that it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

And yet to lose him would be to lose everything.

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And as she runs away she fears she won't be followed

What could be worse than leaving something behind?

He had to leave her.

She couldn't bring herself to break his heart. She had to be unbearable and heartless, had to convince him not to love her. There were so many others worthy of his love.

Worthy of happiness.

Worthy of more than being forced to drown in an ocean of past sins and blood.

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And as the depth of the ocean becomes shallow

It's loneliness she finds.

Loneliness had been something Satine had grown accustomed to over the years at the Moulin Rouge, and yet now it seemed unbearable.

The prospect of life without Christian was like being asked to live without a soul.

The way she'd been living before he'd entered into her life. 

She knew she had to give him up, she knew that she deserved this pain, and yet she could think but one thing.

_"If only he were mine."_

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She must rinse him.

The only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee...

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She must rinse him.

Why live life from dream to dream?

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She can't rinse him.

How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.

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She can rinse him.

If I should die this very moment...

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She can't, she won't, she must rinse him

She can't, she won't, she must rinse him.

After inspecting her frail form, the doctor rose from where he sat beside the unconscious body of the Sparkling Diamond.

"Monsieur Zidler," he started gravely, withered face wearing an expression of sorrow, "Mademoiselle Satine is dying."

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She must rinse this all away

She can't hold him this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way.


End file.
